Local Girlfriend Always Wants To Do Stuff

Seriously? You’re calling it a night? It’s 6:43 (PM!). And you’ve scarcely left the house all day.

I needed some fresh air, but even the prospect of a walk around the neighborhood was too much for him, I guess. So, I left. He didn’t get up to see me out (“Hey, would you mind closing the door behind you?”).

On the walk home, I asked myself why I felt so annoyed and so resentful. In the scheme of things, I get, not wanting to get out of bed isn’t a big deal. Been there. I just can’t believe how quickly he has given up on trying to impress me. I feel bored, taken for granted, and uncared for. And I’m angry at myself for allowing myself to be in this position.

Well, on the upside, this does remind me of that Onion article, Local Girlfriend Always Wants To Do Stuff.

According to behavioral psychologist Dr. Michael Greer, though Maas’ irrational compulsion for doing things is extreme, it is by no means uncommon.

“Alicia is exhibiting all the classic signs of what we call ‘active behavior’—an impulse to engage in unnecessary and often prolonged outdoor movement that is most commonly found in females,” Greer said. “Though we cannot be certain, these habits seem to stem from an innate desire to not be doing nothing.”

Added Greer, “All available research indicates that this type of unstable behavior is most disturbing when it occurs early in the morning, after 10 p.m., on weekends and perfectly good vacation days, or before one has a chance to finish the third goddamned disc of the second season of Lost.”


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